Ireland - June 29

It was another short night because Jill and I were up late journaling and chatting about life after this class.  We’ll both officially be done with our degrees, and are wanting to make some changes – not just go back to “life as it was” because that’s what easy and/or familiar. 

I was thinking about what I do want to do, and realized that I struggle with self-confidence.  Sometimes.  I apparently come across as “bold” to some (the money game with Bryan yesterday), I have straight A’s, I’ve gotten high marks on performance evaluations, former bosses have tried to hire me back, and I’ve been told that some of the school projects I’ve led are the best ones people have been a part of.  And yet I question myself.  Could I really go get such-and-such a job?  Even if I got it, would I be able to do it?  Could I really be a great leader?  Could I have done well somewhere like Harvard?  Just reading that, my response is “yes,” I probably could.  But something has held me back – I’m not sure what it is.  I need to figure it out, because at this point I think the main thing holding me back is myself.  Or maybe I don’t really need to figure it out – maybe I just need to start “going for it.”  Which is funny, because I do that in a lot of areas of life.  I’m one to try new things and at least give something a chance.  I’ve changed jobs, moved around…not recklessly – there was a purpose and thought behind each change – but I believed enough in myself to know I’d somehow make it work, even if it didn’t turn out the way I hoped.  This trip did confirm that I do want to go do something great.  I want to be part of something worthwhile – to make a difference…that could be to a company, to a person, to a community…that’s not necessarily a traditional job, but I do want to do something…now back to that little issue of not knowing what "that" is... : )

Something else I’ve noticed this trip is that I enjoy leading.  I actually like it, and feel like I do a half decent job.  But my leadership style is (intentionally) inclusive and collaborative.  Especially in school projects where I’m not really any more in charge than anyone else, I try to solicit input and share my opinion last – creating ownership and therefore buy-in from the team.  But I wonder if I come across as incompetent and/or unsure in my approach.  Like I can’t make a decision and don’t know what to do.  The truth is that I generally have a pretty good idea, but I try to let others talk first – at least sometimes – so I don’t run people over.  But I think dominant, outgoing people can see this as weak and feel the need to take over.  And when that happens, I can just step back and let myself get run over.  Which I don’t really think is positive for anyone.  Actually, I do think there are times when it’s just not worth it and “keeping the peace” has more value, and there are times when I calmly step back in and suggest that we do need to talk about it as a team and that one person shouldn’t just be mandating everything to everyone as final law.  But it is something I want to be aware of.  I know perception goes a long way, and I want to come across as confident and capable – not dictatorial or know-it-all (which I could be if I let myself), but also not helpless and unsure. 

The bus ride back to Dublin was nice this morning.  The sun was out, and it was a nice chance to sit and reflect a bit.  I have really enjoyed this course – getting to work on the project I did, seeing a new country, meeting and learning from all the leaders, and getting to know a few more people in Denver.  I regret a little bit taking as many of my courses online as I did because I enjoy the people interaction and learning amongst a group…but it’s what I could make work at the time, and I don’t regret one bit getting my MBA.  In the grand scheme of things, it’s all worked out very well. 

Our first “appointment” today was at the Dail – the Irish parliament.  We had a really informative tour, then got to have tea in the visitors’ lounge because the original MP we were going to meet with wasn’t there.  We did have a very interesting substitute though, who talked to us during tea.  I still can’t get over how willing people are here to take time for us.  I’m going to start paying that forward.  Then we ate lunch at a pub that had only been open a few days, and experienced the friendliest service we’d had in Ireland…then walked over to Start-Up Bootcamp.  After getting a tour around and hearing a little bit about how they help start-ups get going, we went to Bewleys for tea with James Wolsey with the Colorado Trade office…and then finally over to Iveagh House to meet with the Deputy Director of Foreign Affairs and Trade.  He was very knowledgeable and friendly, and interesting to hear speak about what his department is doing, and the Iveagh House (gifted by the Guinness family) is gorgeous!  It looks more like a royal mansion than a government building.

A long day, but a good one.  After saying goodbye to Jan and the class as a whole, our team went to Wagamama’s (Asian food) for dinner, checked into our rooms at Trinity, and then went across the street from Goldsmith Hall for “last drinks.”  I don’t know if my water counted as “drinks,” but we had fun hanging out, laughing, and looking back over our last two weeks together. 

I am incredibly blessed to have been a part of this trip.  I have experienced a lot, learned a lot…now it’s up to me to do something with it when I get home.  I’m actually pretty excited – I’m going to make this next chapter of life a good one.

Ireland - June 28

Early morning today…but once again, it was so worth it!  We went to a cloud computing seminar this morning at 7:30 at the Titanic Museum.  It was in the room that had the replica staircase from the ship in it, so that was fun to see…and we took a class picture on it.  The topic of the seminar was interesting and something I’m glad I learned a bit more about, but the thing that stuck out the most to me was Sarah Friar.  The current SVP of Finance and Strategy at Salesforce.com and soon-to-be CFO for Square, she was an amazing presenter.  This came from two facets: she was very intelligent and articulate – she knew her stuff.  But she also had a big smile, was very bright and positive, and exuding charisma.  I literally wanted to have coffee with her just because she had such a positive energy.  I wouldn’t even care what we talked about.  That’s something I want to remember and work on.  I think I’m a pretty positive, friendly person, but when I’m in intense business stuff or giving a presentation, I tend to get very serious. Serious isn’t bad, but Sarah’s positive energy drew me in SO much more than Miriam Ferrari, the equally intelligent economist who spoke before her.  Smart, prepared, enthusiastic, and friendly.  Got it!

Then we headed over to the Science Park again for some presentations…and I half don’t know where to start – I took a lot of notes.  First was Willie McCarter, who was inspiring because he just did stuff.  Got a masters at MIT, took a small family business all the way to a big deal with Fruit of the Loom, started a whisky distillery…and as he said, “all because of a soccer game.”  In his case, I guess it wasn’t as much setting out specifically to conquer the world as it was taking full advantage of each opportunity that came his way.  I like that approach.  I want to squeeze every last drop out of every moment that’s given to me.  Which is why it bothers me to see what I interpret as someone not doing so.  One person in particular on this trip has seemed uninterested in things – surfing facebook during presentations, having no feedback when we talk about what we’re getting out of the trip…it’s none of my business, but I want to say “you’ll never have this change again – make the most of it!”  My mind goes two directions on this: first, it makes me think that maybe this person is getting something out of it, it’s just different than me and that’s ok.  Maybe they had different goals coming in and will be going home completely satisfied with the experience.  I know sometimes I might, for instance, not want to attack a black diamond ski slope with everything in me, but rather, take it a bit easier on blues.  Some might say I’m not getting all I could out of it, but for me, it’s a matter of enjoying what I’m doing at that moment.  So I need to be careful not to judge, because everyone has different goals and ways of experiencing things.  Second, it makes me wonder if maybe I’m not taking advantage of certain things that I could be.  I definitely think I have this trip and I try to on a general basis – it’s kind of who I am – but I’m a young, intelligent professional living in a great country…what business opportunities could I be going after?  What people could I be networking with?  When it comes right down to it, I suppose someone could always say someone else isn’t taking full advantage of something because they only see part of the picture.  The important thing is that I am making the most of each day I’m given.  I want to do that.  In fact, I’d be perfectly happy if that was my legacy – for people to say “she made every day count.”  Guess I’d better get busy on that. : )

So…then we heard from Sir George Quigley.  Which is apparently quite an honor!  That’s been pretty cool – we’ve been able to meet and speak with some rather impressive people!  Sir George has quite a distinguished career – the key thing I took from his presentation was that you take your first step and do it really well.  Then that leads to the next step, which again, you do really well.  And so on.  When people see you’ve done something well, they ask you to do it again or do something else…and so his career took off.  He also took the time to handwrite 8 pages of notes for his presentation, which was neat – he was well prepared, and gave thought to what he was going to do.  Two good traits to maintain.

Then was Lisa Bradley, the head of the department of international business at the University of Ulster.  She was interesting in that she actually asked us about our impressions/what we’ve learned.  One thing I appreciated that she said was “you have to be given the opportunity to fail.  Most entrepreneurs don’t succeed the first time.  It’s the second, third, fourth…”  I need to give myself the opportunity to fail.  Not beat myself up so much about it.  Use it as a learning experience and move on.

Colm McColdrick was an interesting fellow.  In sharp contrast to most of the people who spoke to us, he seemed a little arrogant and it wasn’t appealing.  He said that he only hires new graduates because he wants everything done his way.  I get that to an extent, but it flies in the face of what every successful person has told us – surround yourself with people who are different than you and who push back, who challenge you until you make it better.  So I wasn’t overly impressed with that.  If you can’t handle someone pushing on your ideas (in a respectful way), you’re not going to make it very long as a leader.  Not a good one, at least.  I did like when he said “If you expect to get, you better expect to give.”  Duly noted.  He also said “I don’t want to be anyone else.  I want to be me.” 

Then we piled in a minibus and went out to Andor, a company that makes very expensive, high-powered cameras.  We got a brief tour of the facility, which was fascinating, but the highlight was listening to Connor Walsh (CEO) speak.  I would work for him in heartbeat.  I have six pages of notes that I’m too tired to fully expand on now, but I’ll do a few highlights.  One of the things I noted is that he said “if you don’t intentionally set a culture by developing and following clearly defined values, a culture will create itself.”  That’s one of the biggest jobs of a top leader – to develop and implement and model values that create a positive culture.  It can make all the difference between a well-oiled machine and mass chaos.  Another big theme was communication….over and over and over again!  And third is that you must execute.  The most perfect plan is worthless if people get distracted and run down rabbit trails.  Execute according to the plan, stay focused.  That doesn’t even begin to do Connor justice, but I’m getting tired… : )

Last but definitely not least was Bryan Keating.  What a cool guy with a life that I can’t imagine he regrets.  Again, I can’t do him justice here, but he had some good things to say about risk.  Risk is a personal thing and risk to one person might be normal to another.  The important thing is to continually push beyond your comfort zone – even just a little bit at a time – in some area.  It could be business, physical, social, financial, etc, but doing so pushes your boundaries back a bit and lets you do more next time.  He said “everyone has their own barrier to risk.”  What’s mine?  What holds me back?  Fear of what?  Make every day count Kristi – no regrets!

During Bryan’s presentation he had a little box that he said he’d put money in and take it out at various points… and any one of us could walk up and take it at any point, no questions asked.  I figured he had about $62 from what I could see, so I waited until it got up to $40 and took it.  At that point it was enough to be worthwhile and I thought someone else would take it if I didn’t.  It was slightly awkward doing it, but not that bad.  In the box with the money there was a note that said “The first steps are always the hardest.”  Meaning just go for it – it gets easier after you do.  I made sure to get a picture with Bryan afterward.  I did offer to give his money back, but he said “Another piece of advice – never give money back when someone has given it to you.”

We had our last class dinner at McCrackins, which was fun.  I’ve really enjoyed our time here, and it seems really weird that tomorrow is the last day.  What a past two weeks…I’ve pretty much loved every minute of it!

Ireland - June 27

This morning we left Maynooth for Belfast.  I didn’t feel so great upon waking, but that improved a bit once I got up and moving.  The rain stopped just in time for us to walk to the train station, and with a bit of luck we made our tight connection in Dublin just fine.  The train ride to Belfast was pretty.  We saw a bit of coast/beach on the first part, and lots of green the rest of the way.  We intended to pow-wow as a team about our leadership study on the train, but we weren’t able to sit together.  Which probably ended up being a good thing, because we likely needed a spot of down time.  I like just sitting back, relaxing, and staring out the window on train rides.  Although last night when we got our of our last Maynooth cab I did note that I’ll be ready to have my own car again. 

Jill was sitting next to a nice gentleman on the train and I heard him ask her where she sees herself in two years.  I currently dread that question a bit.  I know it’s important to know where you’re heading because otherwise you could end up anywhere…where you focus is where you go…etc.  But I don’t know just what that is.  I used have everything figured out.  I knew exactly what I was going to do and had my plan to get there.  The last few years have changed that.  It’s not necessarily bad, but it is different and I don’t quite know what to think about it now.  I don’t even know what I want to do.  I feel like somewhere amidst the “should” and “need” and busyness and drain that I lost a little piece of me.  I don’t really think it’s lost, I suppose.  But I think that survival mode pushes certain things down as others must rise for a time.  I likely could sit and tell a great many things that I think I want to do, but I’m not sure which of them are what I think I should want to do and which I truly do want to do.  And so I sit here and ask myself – what do you want to do Kristi?  I want to be part of something that matters; I want the real me – not something I think I should be – to be needed and appreciated; I want to lead something toward betterment; and I want to have fun. 

I find myself to be very flexible.  I can lead, I can follow, I can be outgoing, I can be quiet, I can plan, I can be spontaneous…I can pretty much adapt myself to whatever the situation requires.  Not that I’m exceedingly fabulous at everything, but I’ve learned how to be what’s needed.  I suppose that could be a good thing.  But could it possibly also keep me from thriving in the spot I would fit best?  I’m not sure I want to “fit in”…I kind of want to stand out.  In a good way, of course.  I’d much rather fit in than stand out for being obnoxious.

I’m contemplative today.  Lots of wondering, but no clear answers.  Yet.  I guess the pondering part should come before the answers.  So I’ll patiently keep pondering…

We arrived in Belfast with no trouble, despite the Queen also arriving today, and dropped our luggage at the hotel.  After lunch in the hotel, we regrouped with the rest of the class and headed to the Northern Ireland Science Park to meet Norman Apsley for a tour of the Titanic dock and pump station.  It was really interesting to see how it all worked…and kind of amazing to go down into the (dry) dock and see just how big it was.  We calculated (with a bit of help from physics extraordinaire Norman) that the Titanic weighed about 45,000 tons.  That’s a lot of tons.  Norman was a really interesting guide and I enjoyed our tour.

Our team then went to the Titanic museum, newly opened this year.  It was better than I expected, and again, very informative and interesting.  It was pouring when we finished, so we hurried back to the hotel, changed into dry clothes, and went downstairs to eat again…and an hour later finally got a table.  Apparently the hotel restaurant is a hot spot.  Or more likely, the only place to eat in the area :)  We all agreed at dinner that we’re glad we got the team, location, and project/CEO that we did – I’m going to have some good memories when this is all over.

Sigh - it’s going to be a short night, but it was a good day!