Ireland - June 29

It was another short night because Jill and I were up late journaling and chatting about life after this class.  We’ll both officially be done with our degrees, and are wanting to make some changes – not just go back to “life as it was” because that’s what easy and/or familiar. 

I was thinking about what I do want to do, and realized that I struggle with self-confidence.  Sometimes.  I apparently come across as “bold” to some (the money game with Bryan yesterday), I have straight A’s, I’ve gotten high marks on performance evaluations, former bosses have tried to hire me back, and I’ve been told that some of the school projects I’ve led are the best ones people have been a part of.  And yet I question myself.  Could I really go get such-and-such a job?  Even if I got it, would I be able to do it?  Could I really be a great leader?  Could I have done well somewhere like Harvard?  Just reading that, my response is “yes,” I probably could.  But something has held me back – I’m not sure what it is.  I need to figure it out, because at this point I think the main thing holding me back is myself.  Or maybe I don’t really need to figure it out – maybe I just need to start “going for it.”  Which is funny, because I do that in a lot of areas of life.  I’m one to try new things and at least give something a chance.  I’ve changed jobs, moved around…not recklessly – there was a purpose and thought behind each change – but I believed enough in myself to know I’d somehow make it work, even if it didn’t turn out the way I hoped.  This trip did confirm that I do want to go do something great.  I want to be part of something worthwhile – to make a difference…that could be to a company, to a person, to a community…that’s not necessarily a traditional job, but I do want to do something…now back to that little issue of not knowing what "that" is... : )

Something else I’ve noticed this trip is that I enjoy leading.  I actually like it, and feel like I do a half decent job.  But my leadership style is (intentionally) inclusive and collaborative.  Especially in school projects where I’m not really any more in charge than anyone else, I try to solicit input and share my opinion last – creating ownership and therefore buy-in from the team.  But I wonder if I come across as incompetent and/or unsure in my approach.  Like I can’t make a decision and don’t know what to do.  The truth is that I generally have a pretty good idea, but I try to let others talk first – at least sometimes – so I don’t run people over.  But I think dominant, outgoing people can see this as weak and feel the need to take over.  And when that happens, I can just step back and let myself get run over.  Which I don’t really think is positive for anyone.  Actually, I do think there are times when it’s just not worth it and “keeping the peace” has more value, and there are times when I calmly step back in and suggest that we do need to talk about it as a team and that one person shouldn’t just be mandating everything to everyone as final law.  But it is something I want to be aware of.  I know perception goes a long way, and I want to come across as confident and capable – not dictatorial or know-it-all (which I could be if I let myself), but also not helpless and unsure. 

The bus ride back to Dublin was nice this morning.  The sun was out, and it was a nice chance to sit and reflect a bit.  I have really enjoyed this course – getting to work on the project I did, seeing a new country, meeting and learning from all the leaders, and getting to know a few more people in Denver.  I regret a little bit taking as many of my courses online as I did because I enjoy the people interaction and learning amongst a group…but it’s what I could make work at the time, and I don’t regret one bit getting my MBA.  In the grand scheme of things, it’s all worked out very well. 

Our first “appointment” today was at the Dail – the Irish parliament.  We had a really informative tour, then got to have tea in the visitors’ lounge because the original MP we were going to meet with wasn’t there.  We did have a very interesting substitute though, who talked to us during tea.  I still can’t get over how willing people are here to take time for us.  I’m going to start paying that forward.  Then we ate lunch at a pub that had only been open a few days, and experienced the friendliest service we’d had in Ireland…then walked over to Start-Up Bootcamp.  After getting a tour around and hearing a little bit about how they help start-ups get going, we went to Bewleys for tea with James Wolsey with the Colorado Trade office…and then finally over to Iveagh House to meet with the Deputy Director of Foreign Affairs and Trade.  He was very knowledgeable and friendly, and interesting to hear speak about what his department is doing, and the Iveagh House (gifted by the Guinness family) is gorgeous!  It looks more like a royal mansion than a government building.

A long day, but a good one.  After saying goodbye to Jan and the class as a whole, our team went to Wagamama’s (Asian food) for dinner, checked into our rooms at Trinity, and then went across the street from Goldsmith Hall for “last drinks.”  I don’t know if my water counted as “drinks,” but we had fun hanging out, laughing, and looking back over our last two weeks together. 

I am incredibly blessed to have been a part of this trip.  I have experienced a lot, learned a lot…now it’s up to me to do something with it when I get home.  I’m actually pretty excited – I’m going to make this next chapter of life a good one.